Everything Has Changed

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I confess I had an extra-marital affair for over 10 …

Comment on Everything Has Changed by zaxvibex.

I confess I had an extra-marital affair for over 10 years but I managed to get away with it. Here’s how.

My name is Murray. I tried everything I could to conceal the liaisons but it inevitably came out that it had been going on for over 10 years.

My faithful wife who has never, to anyone’s knowledge strayed to the extent I did, together with the Reverend who married us, confronted me and asked for an explanation. Of course I denied I had done anything wrong so we went to a Marriage Counsellor, called Nimmo to try and sort things out. Nimmo took some details and got everyone concerned around the table. First off he asked me that when I was with Joanna, the other woman, did I wear ‘protection’ and I replied that I always did.

Nimmo said he wanted to avoid any doubt over our marital status and asked that my brother and best man, Bryson, confirm that the wedding took place. Unexpectedly, Bryson said he wasn’t at the wedding even though I distinctly remember he was prominent in the photographs and his signature was on the register. In fact Bryson had been best man at many weddings over many years and had up to now always been the life and soul at the reception. I waited with baited breath for someone to question why he suddenly had this ‘absence of mind’ but to my surprise it went no further. Instead, Nimmo said he needed to think over the situation and several weeks later got back to us stating he had come to a decision.

Nimmo’s conclusion was that because Bryson stated that he wasn’t there then technically the marriage on my part was void. Also, because I was’ wearing protection’ throughout the whole affair then technically I was never in sexual contact with Joanna, so again technically, even though I had broken a vow, for a marriage which I believed in my mind was valid at the time, I had not had an affair! Furthermore, he accepted that I had been a little bit naughty over a period of ten years and more but had not enjoyed any benefit from the deception.

Recognising my guilt, and to appease my faithful wife somewhat, he declared that I should be punished and proposed that she should receive a Spa day for all the trouble I had caused her and that this would help her forget about the whole thing. After a moment I remembered that I had a voucher for a free Spa Day in my pocket and asked ‘Will this do?’ Nimmo looked at it and said ‘It’s expired but it’s absolutely perfect!’ and then proceeded to hand it to my wife saying “There, now don’t you feel better ?” I smiled and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Now that everything is settled, I, and the Reverend who married us, now insist my lovely wife continue to fulfil her marital obligations wearing her best lingerie (that I made her buy herself) and remind her that she should say ‘Thank you’ for the privilege. So what have I learned from this experience ? I have to say I really resent her for catching me out but I’m sure I can forgive her……… In time.

Epilogue – Unfortunately, the only way out for my lovely, faithful wife is divorce but she just can’t see it yet. In any case, I need never pay her anything and what’s more I get to keep the (big) house and the children whatever happens. Result Eh ?
———–
Remind you of anything that’s happened recently ? Here are some clues. Introducing the Cast and props:

RFC(IL) (Me, Murray the husband)
Unpaid Tax & EBT payments hidden and not declared (the other woman)
All other-non-RFC(IL) clubs supporters (Faithful Wife)
The marriage vows (SFA Articles of Association)
Reverend or Official who performed the wedding ceremony (SFA/SPL)
Marriage Counsellor (LNS)
Non-revocation of player registration (a condom)
Titles, trophies, prize-money (House and children)

Are you the stupid, faithful wife here willing to accept more ?

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